


you'll always be my favorite color

by fineh



Category: Jane the Virgin (TV)
Genre: Angst and Humor, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Background Character Death, Background JTV & Co., Canon Divergent, Eventual Happy Ending, F/F, Lost Love, Post-Season/Series 04, ignores season 5 COMPLETELY
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-25
Updated: 2019-07-16
Packaged: 2020-05-19 07:56:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19352761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fineh/pseuds/fineh
Summary: The lines around Petra’s eyes and mouth betray her a bit, the way age always does, but those shining eyes don’t. They gaze upon Jane, wondering exactly what is happening here, there’s disbelief still, the shock of running into each other again after all this time.In which they finally get an answer to an old question.





	1. years from now when we don't speak to each other

**Author's Note:**

> nothing to say except for season five doesn't exist in this fic.
> 
> Seven-year time jump from the season four finale.

Petra’s typing away on her phone, unaware and at the moment JR wishes she was as oblivious as her because right now she’s faced with a monumental decision. Walk up to the person who has managed to haunt her for the past seven years or slip away unnoticed and pretend her and Petra’s paths hadn’t crossed for the first time in years.  Despite the choice hanging in front of her JR can’t help but smile at Petra’s profile, since JR’s been gone so many things have probably changed about Petra, but her phone addiction has still managed to remain. JR's also changed since the last time she was in Miami, yet no amount of distance has managed to change the one thing JR fought hard to ignore. 

Petra Solano still manages to make Jane’s heart skip along to a beat she can’t control.

With that, Jane makes a decision, one that she’ll probably regret but it’ll be worth it to finally get an answer to the question that’s hung over her for almost a decade. She tosses back the rest of the scotch she’d been nursing, slamming the glass back down with enough force to make her wince at herself. Abandoning her secluded table, JR picks up her bag, slinging it over her shoulder, she makes her way over to the bar, to the empty seat next to Petra. 

“This seat taken?” JR asks, surprised at how steady her voice is. 

“No, go ahead.” Petra offers with a polite smile that freezes the moment she recognizes JR. “J--Jane,” Petra stutters, grabbing a purse that lays on the bar she trips on her heeled feet in her effort to put space between them. 

Jane knows the feeling, she put hundreds of miles between them.

Petra catches herself before JR can offer a steadying hand, shaking her head Petra looks somewhere to her left, avoiding JR’s gaze. “Sorry, I’ll get out of your way.”

Petra doesn’t ask what she’s doing back in Miami, or this bar, out of the hundreds in Miami. Seven years have passed but it looks like Petra still hasn’t gotten past some of her guilt. It’s poignant, and compelling, drawing JR in, in a way no one but Petra has ever managed to, it’s what has her reaching out, blocking Petra’s escape, putting them far too close, far too soon.

Petra’s breath hitches and JR struggles to regulate her own, everything fades out behind her, the clinking of glasses replaced by the dull roar in her ears as Jane wrestles with the blunt reminder of the effect Petra has on her.

“Stay,” JR surprises herself with the gruff request.

Petra might feel guilty for what happened with JR’s career, but JR has never forgiven herself for leaving Miami without giving them another chance. Petra had deserved more than a short phone call but at the time, JR didn’t have anything else to offer. She’s not sure she does now but she finds herself reluctant to take the easy out that Petra has given her. 

“Stay,” she asks again softly with a desperation that startles both her and Petra. Petra leans back, tilting her head the way JR always did when she was trying to gauge Petra’s sincerity, maybe it’ll work better for Petra than it had for her. After what feels like an eternity, Petra nods moving away from JR, taking the scent of a million memories with her. 

JR joins her, keenly aware of how rigid Petra sits next to her, no longer the slightly hunched amused blonde she’d been before JR had walked up to her. They sit in silence for a while, speaking only when JR orders another drink for her and Petra, smiling slightly when Petra orders white wine. Side by side, watching everything through the mirror running across the bar. The silence isn’t comfortable but it also isn’t uncomfortable, it’s just there as JR struggles to find a way to break it. 

After the third time Petra’s nervous gaze flicks to her, JR decides to settle for the thing she hates the most.

Small talk.

“This place is really nice.” It’s half small talk and half observation. It really is nice. There’s an upbeat atmosphere, sophisticated but not so uptight that its only clientele is stuffy suits. “I don’t remember it being here before.”

“It’s been renovated recently,” Petra pauses, as of deliberating her next words. “My ex used to own it.” It’s naive to think Petra hasn’t had relationships since their breakup, or that she isn’t with someone right now. Jane’s had her own relationships, failed of course.

“Which ex?” Jane tells herself she’s keeping up the rhythm they’ve fallen into. She’s definitely not trying to figure out if it’s an old ex or a new one.

“Chuck.” Petra grimaces and JR stifles a laugh. 

“Shut up,” Petra pouts.

“Sorry.” Jane takes a deep breath, exhaling away her amusement and slight relief. “You were telling me it’d been renovated recently. I’m guessing you own it and it’s part of the Marbella.”

“Actually, Rafael and Luisa, his sister own the Fairwick. They got it from Chuck extremely cheap. The idiot bankrupted it and no investors wanted to touch it. Rafael and Luisa bought it from him, they’re business partners now, they got rid of the awful cowboy theme and molded it to be the perfect complement to the Marbella.”

“Just them?” You had nothing to do with it?” JR finds that hard to believe, there’s an underlying touch of Petra around them. The soft pastel colors, the low lights, the coolness that still somehow manages to exude warmth.

“No,” Petra admits with a small smile, “I am a reluctant silent partner. Rafael could have probably remodeled it on his own, but he wouldn’t because he insisted we both worked on the Marbella when he first bought it with his trust fund, and that I did the second renovation on my own so that right there gave me more experience than him apparently. I told him it didn’t matter, I didn’t want anything to do with this hotel. But he wanted my help and wouldn’t take no for an answer.” Petra takes a long sip of wine, face pensive. “And Rafael knows me so well, the moment he framed it as revenge, I was in.” Petra looks around the bar, scanning the cheery patrons, all of them engrossed in their own lives while Petra’s blue eyes cycle through a flurry of emotions that JR struggles to read. Out of all of them, one stands out. 

Pain.

“Revenge?” JR is a little lost, why hold onto a hotel that caused Petra so much pain?

“It’s stupid but yeah, it was our chance to take revenge on this stupid building. Revenge for making me a single mother at the worst possible time in my life. Revenge for being the thing that convinced me to let Anezka stay, giving her the opportunity to repeatedly fuck me over. As for Rafael, he got the hotel that sent him to prison at the worst possible time. The hotel that took him away from his kids. Luisa got to spite Lachlan or Rick as used to call him. She kind of got to spite Rafael a little too, well, douche Rafael, not current Rafael.” Petra’s smile is small like she knows they shouldn’t be holding onto these things but at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter because they all won. They won.

It’s not revenge, JR thinks watching Petra’s eyes twinkle happily, it’s redemption and now she understands why Petra didn’t let go. 

“You never told me that.” The significance of things is something Petra used to shy away from, she struggled to explain things, and JR had been okay with it, up until Petra made the decision to leave her in the dark about Magda and Anezka.

“I never told you a lot of things,” Petra sighs, pausing slightly but not long enough for JR to actually have to say anything because while she might have been thinking it, she would have never actually said it. She’s not sure if the Petra she knew eight years ago would have admitted it.  “It was a hard time, it coincided with Michael’s death. Plus, it’s hard to admit you got played because of how desperately you wanted a family. Besides,” Petra grins at her, except this time it doesn’t reach her eyes, “it’s hard to fully explain everyone’s part, I’d need all night.” 

“Yeah, I get that.” There are certain things that are hard to talk about, places that are hard to return to. Before Miami, it was New York. Born and raised in New York, the death of Jane’s father hadn’t prompted any types of questions about relocating because everyone was there. Aida had remained for JR because of the enormous family they had in the city, and aside from returning to Puerto Rico, that was the only place they could realistically remain. It had been great, growing up in the streets of New York with no shortage of family or friends, up until high school when Jane Ramos kissed Lucia Feliciano and everything around her exploded. 

There were fights, accusations of her not having been raised right, and in the end, after growing up will all her cousins, no one was there for her. Aida suffered all their accusations while quietly planning their move to Miami, she had a friend who lived there who was willing to let them live with her while they got settled. But that had been the only thing Aida had done quietly, she’d defended JR as arduously as she’d had before. Listening to her mom go toe to toe with her sister-in-law, loudly defending Jane, it was then that JR fortified her resolve. If her mother could defend her, then why couldn’t she defend herself?

They left to Miami and not a single person came to say goodbye. It hadn’t mattered, then, not to her, but to her mom, a woman with no other family aside from them, it’d mattered a great deal. Jane came to Miami at 14 and never left, and when Jane did leave, it was only because nothing remained for her. 

She swallows down her sadness with a scotch, one more and she’ll probably finally talk about it and stop avoiding the events that led to her abrupt departure from Miami.

“You probably know this, but it’s worth saying, you all did a fantastic job.” She’s not lying, the ceilings are high, the bar is sleek, giving it a modern feeling. The tables are wide but not closely pushed together, removing the potentially stuffy feeling that could evolve. JR could understand why Rafael hadn’t let her walk away, Petra had a knack for transforming the ordinary into the extraordinary. 

“I’ll let Luisa and Rafael know you like it.” Her smile is pleased as if after all this time JR’s opinion still matters. “Speaking of Luisa…”

“Petra!” A brunette shouts attracting the attention of several patrons, JR cringes a little at the volume of her greeting.

“Luisa,” Petra greets her, receiving the cheek kiss Luisa plants on her. Luisa stays close to Petra, leaning on her, and to JR’s surprise, Petra lets her. And it’s not like JR was completely unaware of Luisa Alver, the Wesley Masters exposé had been very thorough. 

“I see you took my advice and found yourself a hot piece of ass.” Luisa looks JR up and down, a knowing smirk on her face that unsettles JR because she’s never said a word to Luisa yet she’s draped all over Petra acting like she knows JR’s darkest secret. "And you are?" 

“J--” Petra’s warning cuts off JR’s answer.

“Luisa…” 

“No way! Your name is Luisa too?! How do you spell it though, I don’t understand people who spell it L-O-U-I-S-A, what the hell is that?” JR turns to Petra, unsure if Luisa thinks that’s her name or if she’s just being funny.

“Luisa.” There’s no ignoring the admonishment this time.

“I’m not making a move!” Holding her hands up, Luisa takes a step back. “I’m just curious, you rarely do one night stands.” Petra’s elbow digs into Luisa’s rib prompting a silent conversation and JR is left firmly on the outskirts, watching the two women communicate about something. It ends in a sigh from Petra and a grin from Luisa. With a slobbery cheek kiss that Petra does her best to wipe off Luisa takes her leave. 

“It was nice meeting you,” Luisa offers sincerely, but then she’s gone with a wink and a radiant smile that leaves JR taken aback. It reminds her so much of Jane Villanueva that she nervously peers around her just in case JV is hiding somewhere. By the time JR remembers to wave Luisa has bounded away to chat up some customers. 

“Wow,” JR stares after Luisa, asking herself what just happened.

“C’ mon,” Petra tugs on JR’s sleeve, throwing another glance in Luisa’s direction. They both watch her talk down an annoyed customer,  getting him back into his seat with a couple of words, a smile, and a flick of her hair. “Let’s go somewhere more private.”

JR follows her, a thought nagging at the back of her head as she allows herself to be lead through the winding halls of the Fairwick and through a side door that leads them out to a long boardwalk. The scent of salt hits her the moment they set foot outside, there’s a slight chill, with the ocean regulating the temperature and offering them a reprieve from the humidity and scorching sun that JR had long forgotten. 

JR strides to the edge of the boardwalk looks across the sand and lets her question swirl in the empty air between them. “Any particular reason you didn’t tell her who I was?” Is it possible Petra is ashamed, that she hasn’t spent the past seven years thinking about JR the way she’s tried and failed to stop thinking about her?

“She would have told Rafael,” JR can hear Petra’s shrug. “Then it would have turned this into something bigger than a coincidence. Rafael was going to be working late tonight and I’d rather he didn’t see you. I also don’t need to watch him attempt to glower at you from across the bar.”

Sighing, Jane turns around. Petra stands feet away from her, matter of fact and refusing to further justify her actions.

“That’s fair.” JR can accept it, Petra has people who care about her, who are probably angry about the way things ended and it’s still unclear exactly what remains between them, if it’s anything at all. 

Petra studies the dark ocean behind JR, her hair, longer now, flutters in the wind, settling on the light pink blazer she dons over a white shirt. Hands shoved into her pockets, Petra appears at peace, her inner turmoil seems to have dissipated. The lines around Petra’s eyes and mouth betray her a bit, the way age always does, but those shining eyes don’t. They gaze upon Jane, wondering exactly what is happening here, there’s disbelief still, the shock of running into each other again after all this time.

This feels more monumental than a coincidence. Standing in front of this woman for the first time in seven years can’t be attributed to something as simple as a coincidence. 

Fate, with a capital F, feels more appropriate for this moment. 

Coincidence feels disruptive, but fate, this idea that them crossing paths again is inevitable, that has JR smiling along with Petra.

“Want to go for a walk?” Petra asks.

“Of course.” Anything to make this moment last longer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> find me here on [tumblr](http://finehs.tumblr.com) or shout at me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/solanospetra)


	2. we can't get the timing, because I was running

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I never meant to leave like that.” JR scratches her hair, nails digging painfully into her scalp because she also remembers what it had been like, sitting in Petra’s suite, a pair of gold shoes in one hand and her heart in the other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A small reminder that nothing after the S4 finale is canon in this story.

Petra can’t turn off her hospitality mode Jane finds as they stroll the property.  She points out exterior changes, regales a funny story of the Great Tile War of 2025. Luisa, the tie-breaking point had pitted Petra and Rafael against each other for her own amusement, claiming the renovation had made Petra and Rafael too uptight. 

“Tile, really Petra?”

“He wanted some horrendous red tile, I couldn’t let him win!” JR huffs out a laugh, forty-year-olds arguing over tile really is something else.

“She’d done it to us before, managed to host a whole female wrestling match in the lobby of the Marbella just because she could.” Petra laughs, echoing the group of adults splashing around in the pool behind them.  “I still can’t believe neither of us caught onto what she was doing. Rafael was halfway through creating a 30 slide powerpoint on bathroom tile of all things before he realized something was up. Luisa uses her IQ level for evil sometimes.”

They reach a gorgeous garden, everything is immaculate, trimmed so precisely, the lighting emits a soft glow and the water from the fountain refracts beautifully around them. It’s breathtaking.

“You designed this, there’s no way anyone else did.” JR walks further into the garden, letting the scent of flowers and the ocean wash over her. 

“It's just a garden.” Petra shrugs, uncaring this time with the praise which JR finds odd. 

 “Petra, c’ mon it’s beautiful.” JR lets herself collapse onto the lone bench, no doubt a deliberate decision that allowed for privacy.

“I guess.” Petra takes a seat next to JR, leaving a healthy amount of space between them, “Rafael thought we needed a garden, and since I designed the one at the Marbella, he put this one on me.”

There’s a touch of bitterness in Petra’s voice for the first time this night. The garden might be beautiful but there’s something in Petra preventing her from seeing it. JR studies Petra a moment but nothing in her face tells Jane exactly what it is Petra hates about this garden. 

“You’re right,” JR decides clapping her hands once, “it is overrated.” Petra’s smile when she turns JR’s way is crooked, and it hits Jane hard because despite whatever lie JR told herself, she never did forget how a simple quirk from Petra’s lips was enough to grab the attention of the entire room, but those smiles, those radiant smiles had been just for JR.

Jane still remembers the last one Petra gave her when she told her she loved her, eyes full of happy tears and certainty in her voice that made everything they’d struggled through worth it. 

 “I never meant to leave like that.” JR scratches her hair, nails digging painfully into her scalp because she also remembers what it had been like, sitting in Petra’s suite, a pair of gold shoes in one hand and her heart in the other. 

“Jane,” The air around JR becomes warmer as Petra shifts closer, a tentative hand coming to rest on JR’s shoulder. “It’s fine.”

“Except it isn’t. We both know it wasn’t.” JR sighs deeply when Petra’s hand retreats, her mind as heavy now as it had been the day she’d left Miami. She looks up at Petra, she sits there, waiting patiently, she isn’t hiding like JR is and it’s probably because, despite everything, Petra wasn’t the villain in this story. 

“After we broke up, I was angry. At you, but mostly myself. I wasn’t 18, I should have known better than to get involved with a client, let alone fall in love and lose my career for them. My mom had always told me, that one day, I would find someone I loved more than my career. I always laughed at her because yeah, I probably would get married one day, but I couldn’t picture myself ever loving that person more than my job. Then I did find her, and it was you.” JR stares up at the dotted sky, “It was you, Petra Solano. It took me a while but I realized it, and after some space, I was ready to find you again, to give us another shot.”

It was then life decided it was time JR face a reality she’d been fighting hard to delay.

“My mom--” Jane can’t finish the sentence, it’s all still so raw.

“Shit,” Petra’s hand finds hers and grips tightly, “Jane, I am so sorry.” 

Aida had worsened and JR had struggled to keep up.

“Thank you, for paying for my mother’s care.” It wasn’t until after she was walking out of the DA’s office, her career in shambles, that JR had fully considered what it meant for her mother. She’d had enough to cover her mother’s insurance, but one emergency would place her on the fiscal edge. Petra had stepped in, making the payments herself, all without saying a word to JR. JR hadn’t known it was happening until after their breakup when she’d been sitting in the kitchen of her newly acquired shitty apartment, staring down the bill for the nursing home. Opening the bill and seeing nothing but zeros had been a moment of relief, and confusion. Her mother’s insurance was good, but it wasn’t that good. Several calls later to her bank, the insurance company, and the nursing home and she came away with a name, one that caused sadness, anger, and in that moment, relief. If Petra wanted to pay for Aida’s care, JR wasn’t selfish enough to fight it. 

“I always figured that if you wanted me to stop, you would have said something.” The payments had continued until in a desperate final attempt, JR moved Aida to a more intensive care unit.

“She passed away five years ago.” 

JR hadn’t been there.

The guilt still hasn’t gone away, she’s unsure if it’s possible to get over the fact that you weren’t with your mom when she died.

Instead, she’d been in her own bed, too exhausted to go to visiting hours that day. Tomorrow she’d said, pushing the pain of seeing her mother to the next day. She couldn’t muster the energy to pretend everything was fine, to push down the envy she felt when other visitors had a good day with their relatives. Aida hadn’t remembered her in months, she was talking less and less. Most of the visits passed in silence, with Aida eating whatever JR managed to throw together between the time she left her job and the time she had to leave her house to fight traffic. Her waitressing shifts every other night didn’t leave her much time for meal prep either. Sometimes JR would talk to Aida, tell her stories about her day, other times she would sing, but the end result was always the same, JR left the facility with an ache that wouldn’t go away. 

“I’m sorry,” Petra says softly, hand still firmly laced with JR’s she gives it a small squeeze, JR pulls away because it almost makes it worse.

“So am I.” In the end, JR hadn’t been the daughter her mother deserved. She’d been unable to devote the time she’d required, in person or in her head. Sometimes, she could spend the whole day without thinking about her, what kind of daughter did that?  Her therapist said it was a defense mechanism because some part of JR had known what was coming, JR still didn’t believe that. It was selfish. “It was my fault.”

“What? How?”

“Maybe if I’d been there, she wouldn’t have been napping, maybe…” She’s thought about this, tortured herself with the what-ifs, because what if JR had gone to see her mother that day? JR rubs furiously at her eyes, she’s so tired of crying over this, yet sometimes, it feels like she hasn’t cried enough. “I could have done more.”

“Stop,” Petra says firmly and JR swears the tear making its way down her cheek freezes for a moment, before falling and landing on JR’s clasped hands. “That’s absolutely ridiculous. There’s nothing you could have done aside from being there for her. You missed one day, and yeah that sucks, but what about the hundreds of days before that? Don’t those count? You cared for her, you took her to her appointments, you loved her. I don’t know what happened after we broke up,” Petra smiles, pained yet still gentle, “but I have no doubt you did everything you possibly could for your mother. She knew that her memory was failing but it never diminished the love or admiration she had for you. I was there that day, I remember, she was proud of you, sad that you were going through everything mostly alone, but she never felt anything but happy when she thought of you, when she remembered you. One missed visit, that isn’t enough to erase it. If anything, maybe it happened like that for a reason.”

“You’re right,” Jane’s voice cracks, it’s been years since she talked about her mother with someone who actually knew her, with someone who actually remembered Aida for who she was. “Losing her was hard, she was the only family I had.” It’d been a private burial, no one from New York had bothered showing up, that had left her with more sadness than relief. Standing in the cemetery, surrounded by her mother’s friends and the handful of JR’s friends that didn’t see her as a criminal, she’d made the decision to leave Miami. 

One of the persons who had kept her in Miami was gone, the other had been unattainable. 

“So I left, went to Tennessee for a while. I considered taking the bar again but I didn’t have the energy to climb the career ladder again.” It’d been so exhausting the first time, jumping through hoops, keeping her mouth shut in an effort to get promoted, that wasn’t something she was willing to do again. And if she was being honest, she’d become disillusioned with the justice system, both sides of it. 

“So then what you’d do?” Petra asks, her face stricken, as it had been since JR first mentioned Tennessee. “I can’t picture you as anything other than a lawyer.”

“Photography. It helped me get out of my head and into the wider world around me. Tennessee is breathtaking, and I’d brought my camera with me.” Cleaning out her rental as fast as she could had consisted of giving most of the stuff away, and her camera had almost ended up in the donate pile, but the practical side of her that said she could at the very least pawn it if she ended up that desperate was reluctant to donate it. Photography had always been one of her hobbies, but it ended up evolving into something she’d briefly considered but discarded because being the daughter of a first generation immigrant there were higher expectations than being a simple photographer. Jane had wanted to give her mother something to brag about. “It was supposed to be a hobby, something to get me away from whatever temp job I was stuck on, but then someone told me to submit my pictures to magazines, I figured why not, it’s not like I had anything to lose aside from some of my time. A couple did sell and it was like something inside me clicked.”

She’d gotten serious about it then, enrolling in the local community college, building a portfolio, and two years later, she’d been approached by an agency. Aside from a mostly steady income, It also gave her a way to avoid setting down roots. She traveled from city to city completing assignments, her apartment in Tennessee nothing more than a place to crash. She didn’t worry about getting attached to anyone, on the rare days she actually sought someone out, she could just grab her stuff and leave whoever it was behind, with no guilt since it was never going to be more than one night.

“It fits you,” Petra muses softly, “and it sounds like you like it.”

“Yeah, I actually do. It’s not the most glamorous sometimes, but it’s satisfying.” It’d taken her a while to finally get rid of the sensation that her life was scattered in pieces around her with no possible way of putting it back together. Perhaps that’s why she accepted the assignment in the Everglades after years of turning jobs down in Florida. She’d surprised both her agent and herself, it was no secret JR didn’t take jobs in Florida.

Now, Jane felt mostly settled, ready for whatever life threw at her and life had decided to send Petra Solano her way. 

Was JR any more prepared this time than last time?

“How about you?” She’d been rambling for a bit but Petra didn’t show any sign of minding, one leg curled under the other, the way she always did it when they talked in her suite. “How are you, your girls, the Marbella?” It comes out rushed, being a nature photographer has left her plenty of time with her thoughts. The reminder of them was constant, JR couldn’t help but take at least one picture of a turtle when she saw one, saving them, she had hundreds of pictures of turtles sitting in a folder in her computer for no other reason other than it reminded her of Ellie and Anna. Her thoughts would always start with the girls but they would always end with Petra, and then the Marbella and whether it had survived the blow Milos’ death had probably dealt. 

“I don’t actually own the Marbella anymore, after that night…” Petra bites her lip, eyes darting away before returning to JR. “It was impossible for me to continue to stay there.”

“Did you leave because of me?” If Petra had always imagined JR as a lawyer, Jane had always pictured Petra walking up and down the hallways of the Marbella, manning the lounge with Krishna behind her scribbling furiously into a little notebook. 

“Yes and no.” Petra traces the grain of the wood with those long delicate fingers. “It was hard to stay there afterward. I was lost, all the things I’d done to hold onto the hotel, all the things I’d lost because of it…” Petra stares back at the glowing hotel, it stands there, grandiose and imposing regardless of who it’s owner is. “It didn’t feel worth it, the Marbella no longer felt worth it so I talked with Luisa and Rafael because it didn’t feel like a decision I could make on my own. 

“Luisa was reluctant to come back, not that I could blame her, that hotel haunted all of us, but after Rose’s death, I think she needed something to distract her, to prevent her from backsliding again. It was an opportunity for both of them to start anew, unlike me, they were willing to fight for it again. Rafael didn’t need any convincing, everything exploded around that time, he needed a salary and stability to maintain him and Jane through their break up.”

“They broke up?” JR hadn’t given them much thought since she left Miami, but whatever brief thought she might have given them always involved them together in a beautiful house with Mateo and a dog or something. 

“Yeah, not long after we did.” Petra exhales heavily, and JR can feel the heaviness of her thoughts. “It was a whole thing, all three of us--Jane, Rafael, me-- we almost self-destructed, had it not been for the kids and Luisa, I think we would have. Luisa was our rock, I think despite the situation, she had fun mothering us. She was always good at that, at providing people with the comfort they needed but also the ability to snap us out of whatever self-pity we’d dragged ourselves into with the harsh reality that was necessary.” Luisa sounded amazing JR thought silently, watching the way Petra softened, the way she always did for those she considered a part of her family. “She dealt with a lot, I was heartbroken, Micahel was back, Rafael almost completely spiraled into his dark place and Jane was under so much pressure from everyone.”

“Michael, as in Michael Cordero Jr.?” Jane vaguely remembered him, had sporadically worked with him during her time at the D.A. They’d passed each other in the court hallways, he’d testified against some of her clients a couple of times. He was always serious, easily provoked, and easy to trip up when angry. She’d probably seen JV at some point. She’d also seen Michael’s career go up in flames, everyone had read that newspaper, including JR. At the time, she’d shaken her head at how stupid it was to let something like love get in the way of your career. To be so blinded you threw away your career, it wasn’t a feeling JR had been able to relate to at the time. 

Later, watching Petra breakdown in the stairwell, she’d felt that first push, and the final shove had been Petra’s accusation, followed by JR’s own realization that Petra was right and the desire, the need to take this burden away from Petra. The answer laying at JR’s fingertips had her walking into the defense attorney’s office after a fitful night of sleep, determination and a thick record of JR’s past misdeeds and the proof of Petra’s innocence had accompanied her that morning. 

Petra’s innocence was no longer supposed, not in Jane’s eyes. It was messy, at times unclear, but it was there, pushed to the edge by her mother and sister, Petra’s only option had been to push back. 

Shockingly, Petra throws back her head and laughs like Michael’s abrupt death hadn’t made the front page of the newspaper. A whole spread detailing the rise and fall of one of Miami’s most promising detectives and the speculation of his involvement with Sin Rostro which remained alive despite Michael’s tragic demise. “Surprisingly, he isn’t. Rafael brought him back himself.”

“That must have thrown Jane for a tailspin.” JR can’t imagine what that reunion must have been like aside from extremely uncomfortable.

“Jane, me, our entire family, the fucking cat even.”

“Cat?” 

“It’s a long story,” Petra says, stretching.

“C’ mon Petra, you can’t leave me hanging.” The Solano saga was one that was exciting to follow from afar, a whispered rumor whenever they walked into a function, an entire write up by a grad student. The excitement dimmed considerably when you were smack in the middle of it, scratching your head and wondering how they managed to continuously put up with everything that was thrown their way. JR knew what it was like first hand and yet she’d just been insensitive about it.  

Ashamed she quickly backtracked. “I mean, if you want to talk about it, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” Fuck, “I’m sorry.”

“Jane,” Petra reassures her, the smile from her previous outburst rests comfortably on her features, “it’s been years, we’re all over it.” Petra pauses and it’s enough for JR to wonder if that’s the only thing Petra is over. “You sure you want to hear this? It’s long, dramatic, and honestly, none of us come out looking the best.”

“Petra, if it has to do with you I want to hear it.” JR settles further into the bench, getting as comfortable as she can on the hard surface because it was never about how bad the story was, it was only ever about being honest with each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> find me here on [tumblr](http://finehs.tumblr.com) or shout at me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/solanospetra)


	3. pregúntale al camino que por qué nos separó

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Jane,” Petra’s eyes glisten, melancholy reflected in them, but they’re also pleading with JR, asking her to understand. “I did love you. That wasn’t a lie.”
> 
> JR squeezes her eyes shut, the accusation she had thrown at Petra echoing around them. Words she’d instantly regretted as she rode up the elevator, her heart in her throat wondering if that was the last thing Petra would remember her by.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Season five? This fic still doesn't know her.

Petra launches into the story without any preamble. “The night Milos came back, that same night, Rafael surprised Jane with Michael. Jane of course fainted,” Petra’s lips twitch like she knows it isn’t funny but she can’t help it. “Honestly, you’d think Rafael would have been smart enough to warn someone as emotional as Jane that her dead husband was in his apartment.” The undercurrent of anger in Petra’s voice replaces her previous amusement, her mouth thinning into a straight line and JR can tell Petra confronted Rafael about it. She can picture it devolving, Petra strung out over their breakup, Rafael tense about Michael and both of them looking to yell at someone. No doubt JV had been forced to intervene to prevent them from killing each other, or rather, prevent Petra from killing Rafael. 

“It was a shock for everyone, Michael was alive and Rafael was with Jane. I don’t have time to go into nuances but Jane was engaged to Michael, left him for Rafael, then left Rafael again for Michael and ended up marrying Michael and breaking Rafael’s heart. And I was somewhere in there, trying to win Rafael back, trying and failing to avoid Milos, covering up murders, pregnant and hoping Rafael would come back to me.” Petra tugged at her earring shrugging at JR. “I was trying to win Rafael back up until I wasn't, and it was probably because of Jane, even if it was indirectly, she taught me to value myself, so by the time Rafael came back around, I was over it, not him, but I was over being a second choice. So yeah, Michael being back, it was a huge deal.”

Petra plucks a leaf off the bush behind them, pensively twirls it between her fingers, Jane watches her, waiting for her to gather her thoughts. Talking about that part of life has always been hard for Petra, she rarely did with JR. She can talk about her childhood, about her life after Rafael got out of prison, but that period in between moving to Miami and Anezka paralyzing her is something JR scarcely knows about. Most of what she did know she’d read in the exposé or were bits and pieces that had come up in her brief investigation into Petra, when she had been working against Petra. 

“Instantly, everything changed. I never knew Michael well, he helped with Roman a bit, he would have probably helped me with Milos if I had ever bothered asking him instead of antagonizing him with Jane and Rafael. So it was weird, he was a stranger before, and an even bigger stranger when he came back and I honestly wasn’t up for being welcoming.” The salty breeze provides some relief from the humidity, Petra lets go of the leaf and it floats away, falling and dancing until it’s finally out of sight and the only thing that remains is Petra fingers seeking purchase on her necklace, fiddling with the charm, face somber. “I was a mess, trying to get over you, trying to keep the Marbella afloat and watching Rafael and making sure he didn’t slip further into his dark place because we honestly couldn’t afford it. I couldn’t ask Jane for help, well, I could have but Jane was trying to juggle her new reality and Rafael and Mateo, god Mateo.” Petra’s voice gets softer, pitches down as she thinks of a boy JR never got the chance to meet. “Michael’s return messed with him worst of all.”

“When Michael came back, he was fucked up, there was no way around it, and of course we weren’t going to leave him on his own. Well, Jane wasn’t going to leave him on his own and the rest of us were going to have to deal with it. She dragged him to brunch that Saturday, walked right into the kids club, told us Michael was going to eat with us and that we were going to have to deal with it. Then she pushed Michael into a chair, served herself some pancakes and ate them, daring Rafael and me to say something.” Petra laughs at the memory, “I think Rafael and I hated her at that moment, but that moment, looking back on it now, it changed everything. Michael was back and it didn’t matter whether or not he was with Jane. He was part of the family before he died, and now that he was back he was still part of the family, traumatic kidnapping and all.” Petra’s smile has grown wider, “That’s who Jane is. Once you’re in, you’re in and she’ll fight to make sure everyone else knows exactly what place you have in her life. She did it with me, Rafael, and then with Luisa, it’s because of her Rafael and Luisa are back to the relationship they used to have before Jane came into their lives.” 

There’s always this light when Petra talks about Jane, one that reaches down deep inside JR, to the jealous and irrational part of her that almost makes her ask again, is Petra in love with Jane?

“Of course,” Petra continues, bulldozing over Jane’s concern over JV, “it wasn’t that easy for Mateo. Michael’s return was a drastic change and it impacted Mateo negatively in a way none of us really saw coming. Mateo was a toddler when Michael died, he didn’t remember him at all. Michael was his step-dad, he used to take care of Mateo, put on puppet shows, he was his freaking godfather, but it didn’t matter. Mateo hated him and although Michael never admitted it, it bothered him, to see Mateo grown up and screaming that he hated him…” Petra sighs, “Rafael and Jane’s indefinite break didn’t help. Eventually, Mateo was diagnosed with ADHD and then everything made sense, it didn’t make it easier, but it made sense and we all had a starting point, a way to help Mateo to transition to this new reality that had fallen into our laps.

“It took months for everything to settle down, for Michael to tell Jane exactly what happened to him, none of us have ever been told what exactly happened, I’m not sure we have the right to know, Jane was the person who was most destroyed by his death and if Michael’s explanation, whatever it was, was enough for Jane then it’s more than enough for us. They ended up getting back together, like three years after Rafael brought Michael back. Jane and Michael got remarried a year after that, it was cute, Mateo was his best man and now he tells everyone he has two dads. Rafael still gets looks from people at school because of it and Michael plays it up, grabs Rafael’s hand and starts swinging it, Rafael used to fight it, but now they walk down the hallway glaring at anyone who gives them dirty looks, it’s honestly hilarious.” 

“Wow,” JR breathes, “so everything worked out for them.” 

“Yeah, surprisingly it did. There were some rough moments there between everyone really, Xiomara gave us all a bad scare one time, but thankfully she’s in remission and has been for the past six years. It’s been a journey and I won’t say there weren’t times where it felt easier to never talk to each other ever again but we kept at it and…” Petra waves her arms, “here we are, as normal as it will probably get for us.” 

Shaking her head, JR can’t help but laugh. “Your life is still so crazy.”’

“Actually,” Petra laughs with her, “since Milos, I don’t have a crazy life, just a crazy family.” Petra sits back, a content smile on her face, and Jane doesn’t bother hiding her smile, the fact that Petra is happy, that’s enough for her to be happy as well. “I wouldn’t have had the time to deal with it anyway, not with three hormonal teenagers who just entered high school.” Petra winces, “Nothing in my life has ever prepared me for angry teenagers.” 

“The girls aren’t angels anymore?” The girls had already been quick-witted when they were smaller, categorizing things quickly and efficiently. Now, they were probably astute young women with enough brain power to rival Petra. 

“They like to pretend they are, but then they turn around and try to sneak out of the house through their bedroom windows. Believe it or not, moving them to the second floor did not help.” 

“Is that the only thing you’ve been up to?” The girls are a handful no doubt but it’s difficult to believe Petra would be satisfied being a stay at home mom or just a PTA mom. A PTA mom with an imposing career, yeah, she’d done that, Petra could soccer mom with the best of them but JR doubted Petra would dedicate herself to just that.

“No, actually, Jane and I finally finished the book we started, It was therapeutic for both of us, I needed a distraction and Jane needed to write. Most of the stuff we had envisioned ended up not making it in, there was some stuff about me but it was mostly to make it personable and help market it. It was mostly a money grab for the publishers but all the proceeds are going to various scholarship funds so it’s hard to feel bad about it.” 

JR recalls the book’s release, it had caught her completely by surprise. Walking down the airport she’d been halted by a beautiful snapshot of the Marbella and a profile that was impossible to forget. Picking it up and flipping it over she’d been met with a stunning headshot of Petra and a summary JR didn’t bother to take the time to read. She’d set it down, convincing herself she was over Petra, her time with her had been brief and JR had lived most of her life without Petra than with her. The fact that she didn’t need to read the book was her proof. She’s over it, she repeats now, the glimmer in Petra’s blue eyes are doing absolutely nothing for her, this is just a friendly catch up, nothing more. 

“The book was the perfect way to move away from the Marbella. I started getting consulting requests and it transitioned from unofficial to official and now I consult a handful of hotels regularly in Florida and sometimes in other states, usually short consultations, I can only leave Rafael with the girls for so long before they completely run him over.”

“Petra, you’re telling me those two don’t bat their eyes at you and get exactly what they want?” Petra can posture all she wants but those girls are her life.

“Fine, we switch out before we cave.” JR grins because the pout that’s currently on Petra’s face hasn’t changed since the last time she saw her but then Petra sobers up and JR knows what’s coming.

“Jane…” Petra says her name solemnly, full of regret and an apology that has long been unnecessary. 

“Petra…” Fuck, this wasn’t how it was supposed to go. Petra was only supposed to be a burning passion that had incinerated itself and left absolutely nothing behind, her gaze wasn’t supposed to be electric, it wasn’t supposed to remind JR of the earnestness that had once drawn her in. “You don’t have to say anything. I’ve forgiven you, I have a new job, you have a new life, it’s fine.” 

“But like you said Jane, it isn’t fine, and it won’t be until I can finally apologize for everything I put you through.” Petra straightens in her seat, her feet thudding quietly on the ground beneath them as she takes a long steadying breath. “It never felt right to email or write my apology out. I thought about picking up the phone and calling but then I would convince myself that you had changed your number and I would chicken out. Jane and Rafael encouraged me to track you down but I just couldn’t, after the way things ended, I didn’t have a right.” Petra looks up from the fingers she’s been twisting in her lap, sorrow etched deeply on her face. “I’m sorry. If anyone knows what it’s like to work hard for something it’s me. I screwed up your career, the thing that took up years of your life, so much hard work and dedication and my lie…” Petra shakes her head, “my continuous lies left you in a position that you should have never been in. I should have never lied to you, or at the very least, I should have told you the truth when my mother came back. But I didn’t.” Petra laughs bitterly, “and everything went wrong from that moment forward.”

“I knew something was wrong.” Petra straightens, thrown by Jane’s confession. JR blows out a breath, she’d just ignored it. “The first time we slept together, afterward, you slept peaceably, so quiet so calm,” Jane remembered, it had freaked her out how content she’d felt with Petra, how attached she was growing to a woman who struggled to admit how she felt and the knowledge that it would inevitably end in disaster had her turning down Petra’s breakfast invitation before she or Petra fell into any delusions about what that night had meant. “Afterwards, when we were officially going out, it wasn’t the same. I never told you, but you would thrash in your bed, mumbling under your breath, sometimes crying out for your girls. I didn’t know what it was but I thought you would come to me, I thought you trusted me enough to come to me." But she hadn't and that had hurt. "I couldn’t convince myself everything else wasn’t a lie, and I tried Petra I really did. I wanted to believe that you were innocent. I didn’t want to lose you, or your girls, but I couldn’t,” She put the girls to bed and waited, but Petra’s answers had only made her sink into disbelief and anger. “And if I couldn’t do that then how could we possibly come back from it?”

“We couldn’t.” 

And they hadn't.

“Jane,” Petra’s eyes glisten, melancholy reflected in them, but they’re also pleading with JR, asking her to understand. “I did love you. That wasn't a lie.”

JR squeezes her eyes shut, the accusation she had thrown at Petra echoing around them. Words she’d instantly regretted as she rode up the elevator, her heart in her throat wondering if that was the last thing Petra would remember her by. 

“I know.” She’s known it for a while, had discovered it one night as she lay alone in her apartment, a bottle of scotch at her side, replaying their time together. Those half smiles, burning kisses, long talks, and the happiness Petra always radiated whenever JR had entered a room, none of that could be feigned. “I loved you too, Petra.” JR’s words are suspended between them bordering somewhere between a half-truth and half-lie. It edges closer to a lie because JR isn’t sure it’s in the past, Jane isn’t sure that she was ever over Petra. Petra holds her gaze, intense and confused, and it reminds JR of that night outside the police station when she’d finally allowed herself, after the endearing awkwardness of Petra’s goodbye, to admit that she did have feelings for her and that maybe, just maybe they were reciprocated. Petra softens, and Jane swears she’s not imagining the hope on her face, the flicker is enough to ignite a forceful response in JR. She shifts closer the scent of Petra's perfume begins to overwhelm her, she's close enough to see Petra's pulse pumping furiously, the formidable feeling of hope hangs there between them, rises and falls with every ragged breath they take, but then Petra blinks and everything JR thought she saw is gone.

Instead, Petra stands abruptly, “I have to go.” Turning on her heel she leaves JR dazed on the bench and hurries toward the Marbella, each heeled step taking her further away from JR. Jane scrambles after her because Petra had felt that too, the excruciating reminder of what had been, of what could possibly still be.

“Petra, wait!” Petra freezes a moment and JR falters as well because last time Petra had been the one calling out after her in the Marbella hallway after Milos had been carried away and the hotel had grown too suffocating for JR. Jane had frozen as well, Petra’s raw voice still managing to grab at the part of her that would always run to her rescue. In the end, Jane hadn’t turned around, her body exhausted physically and the conflicting war between her brain and her heart had made her run. But she hadn’t needed to turn around to know she had completely shattered whatever had remained between them.

Petra doesn’t turn around either, just shakes her head and resumes her brisk pace, and JR, JR is tempted to let her walk away because they’re in this garden, memories surrounding them and JR is still unsure of what she wants. Petra has a life, it would be unfair to disrupt it based on the what if that never completely left JR alone. 

Jane stares into the dark void that Petra left behind, it’s one Jane has felt over the years, although it’s shrunk considerably it’s always remained, today, for a couple of hours, Petra had filled it with an iridescent light that JR refuses to relinquish.

JR might not know what she wants, but she knows damn well what she’s been missing.

Breaking into a jog, JR chases after her. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> find me here on [tumblr](http://finehs.tumblr.com) or shout at me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/solanospetra)


	4. se me juntaron la suerte con las ganas de verte

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Why are you here, Jane?” Petra’s mouth twists bitterly. “I find it hard to believe you want to relive all of our happy memories.”
> 
> “Officially, I’m on assignment in Miami. Unofficially,” Jane shrugs her shoulders, “I don’t have an answer for you. You were at the bar and I couldn’t walk away.” 
> 
> It’s as simple and as complicated as that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> final chapter is dedicated to olivia, you always make me want to write more.

JR follows Petra’s trail into the property, she still remembers the winding path to the Marbella having wandered it hand in hand countless times with Petra. 

Petra’s made it to the Marbella garden by the time JR catches up with her and since she refuses to stop JR is forced to stop her. In a couple of quick paces, Jane plants herself in front of Petra, forcing her to stop or take both of them down. Petra stops a couple of steps away from her, face shadowed and closed off, looking as tired as Jane feels.

The difference from their first time here is stark. They hadn’t said much but there hadn’t been much to say to each other, Petra had been offering something she hadn’t been quite ready to receive. It was only through serious self-restraint that JR hadn’t taken it then, because Petra was a fierce woman who was honest to a fault and cared deeply about the people in her life. The opportunity to be one of those people had been tempting and hard to delay, but it’d been what was best for them. 

“You’re running that’s not like you,” JR observes quietly. Petra had chased her then and now Jane was back in this garden, chasing a woman she wasn’t sure wanted to be chased. 

“No,” Petra snaps angrily, “that’s more like you.” Jane sucks in a breath Petra’s words knocking her back better than any physical blow, was it possible this night had built up into deluded expectations and hope she should have never harbored? Stumbling over the enormity of her mistake, JR retreats because the ice in Petra’s voice tells her more than anything else could have.

“Jane,” Petra doesn’t let her get far, immediately reaching out to stop her, holding her steadily in place and it takes everything in JR not to shake her off. “I’m sorry, that was low of me.” Petra is contrite and JR’s head finally stops spinning, nodding she accepts Petra’s apology. 

“Except,” Petra steps back, arms folded around her body as she shrugs her shoulders. The movement minute but heavy.“You left and that was fine but you called me Jane, and that wasn’t.” Petra stands hunched in front of JR, a reflection of her past self, seeking comfort from herself and the injury JR’s departure caused her. “We weren’t together but you called me anyway and gave me hope, again, so I’m sorry if this is too much for me.”

Forgiveness doesn’t mean it doesn’t still hurt.

There’s no combination of words that will erase everything they’ve gone through, or rectify actions that at the moment felt right for Jane but were harmful to Petra. Leaving felt right, leaving without telling Petra, that had felt wrong. 

“I’m sorry,” Jane waits for Petra to look at her but she doesn’t. “I shouldn’t have done that, and while I do have an excuse for not thinking clearly, it wasn’t fair of me, not when I was the one to end things.”

“It hurts to look at you,” Petra whispers sadly and that’s probably the most hurtful thing Petra could have said to her. For Jane, tonight was utter proof that she could look at Petra and let the past go. She didn’t see the person who had derailed her career, she saw the person who for the first time in years had forced her to be honest with herself and acknowledge the inevitable path she would wind up on if she continued pretending she was content with practicing a hollow version of justice. She saw a mother who’s strength reminded her of her own, and her defense of her children was her strength, not her weakness. She also saw a woman who had given her every part of her, regardless of the massive failures in previous relationships, she was unafraid to go for what she wanted. Petra had given JR courage yet her she stood now, afraid. 

Perhaps this was their wakeup call, there were real problems, reality had returned as the night progressed, things weren’t going to fall smoothly into place after one night 

The clock struck twelve and everything unraveled.

Petra sways on her feet, shifting her weight from one foot to the other. “I can’t look at you.” Petra’s voice breaks but she still refuses to look up. “You’re a reminder of everything I lost. I can’t sit there and talk with you, not when I know I was never as happy as I was when I was with you. I’ve come close but…”

JR knows the feeling. It’s not like she wanted to travel from state to state, she had tried to settle down once but it had exploded because JR couldn’t commit. Not when the foolish part of her had been subconsciously holding out hope for Petra.

“Are you getting married?” Petra asks abruptly, sharp eyes glinting with tears that aren’t enough to soften a gaze that has up until now been boring into the ground.

“What?” Petra shocks her into laughter, the question is so out of left-field, so direct, so Petra.

“Is that why you’re here? Jane’s forced me into watching romcoms with her, the only time the ex shows up is if they’re getting married to someone else. They usually want something stupid like closure.” 

“Wow, there’s so much to unpack there.” JR’s amusement only deepens Petra’s frown, “but no Petra, I’m not getting married.” JR holds up her hands, no engagement ring or otherwise, Petra looks at her, squints a little, as if looking for a tan line before looking away, exhaling into the quiet garden.

“Then why are you here, Jane?” Petra’s mouth twists bitterly.  “I find it hard to believe you want to relive all of our happy memories.”

“Officially, I’m on assignment in Miami. Unofficially,” Jane shrugs her shoulders, “I don’t have an answer for you. You were at the bar and I couldn’t walk away.” It’s as simple and as complicated as that.

“Why are you here Petra?”

“You stopped me.” JR levels her with a look, Petra can bullshit with the best of them and she usually does when the truth is harder than telling a lie. She also fails to sustain the lie when she knows the truth is more important than whatever pride or feelings she’s trying to protect. Jane waits patiently and sure enough, Petra drops the facade she’s been trying and failing to maintain, “I couldn’t walk away either. Jane, you were a big part of my life, there is pain but that’s not all there is.“ Petra sighs, seemingly distressed with that revelation, it’s clear she doesn’t know how to handle these new feelings that are masquerading as old ones any more than Jane does. “That’s what scares me. Jane.”

It scares her too, but it also reassures her. It means neither of them is under the impression that this is going to be easy.

“JR.” Petra’s words embolden her and she steps closer, making one final request of Petra. 

“What?” Petra’s not cold, she’s bewitching, staring at Jane with the same cautious optimism she had that one night so many years ago, when she’d had all of her defenses down and pickle juice on her breath, waiting for Jane to make the first move. 

So she does.

“Call me JR.” Petra’s choice of addressing her has been deliberate, always Jane, never JR and it doesn’t feel right. She’d never been Jane with her, only JR. A woman who had accepted the name with the same reluctance that she’d accepted her feelings for Petra, but that name was now ingrained in her, the same way Petra had always been. “I never thought I’d miss that nickname. But I did miss it, I missed you.”  It’s freeing and terrifying to finally admit it to Petra herself. “And I don’t know if you missed me the same way I missed you but you’re still standing here and that has to mean something. Right?”

“JR,” Petra whispers reverently like it’s been years since she was brave enough to say that name out loud. It elicits a smile from both of them, that name the final note in a long complicated song, it rings harmoniously, soothing a wound that has gone ignored for too long. 

“Fuck,” she’s gone and fallen for Petra again in a matter of hours and the way Petra’s smile widens at her expletive tells her that it’s perfectly fine. “Petra?” 

“Yes, JR?” Petra asks, moving closer. 

“Can I kiss you?” JR asks hoarsely.

“Fuck, yes.” 

JR pulls her in the rest of the way, kissing her fiercely, for the first time in ages they collide and it’s just as momentous as their first. Petra molds into her, hands clutching at JR’s blazer, struggling to get closer as they drink each other in. It’s a dream manifested into a blissful reality. For the first time since she found the broken heels, JR feels like she can finally breathe, and she does, breathes Petra in, their frantic kisses slowing down into a languid caress. JR enjoys the content sigh Petra lets out, the way it tickles her cheek when Petra leans her forehead on JR, neither of them wanting to let go of the other, not yet.

It’s only when someone wolf whistles behind them, the sound alone enough to enrage her, that JR tries to pull away but Petra doesn’t loosen her grip, instead she places an open mouth kiss on JR’s neck that works to temporarily distract her from whatever idiot is whistling. 

“That was probably Luisa,” Petra breathes into JR”s neck, “she always does that.”

“Always?” Before Petra can explain, Luisa sidles up to them, the biggest smile on her face.

“Hi, Petra.” She turns to Jane, pauses for effect then greets her. “Hello, JR.” Luisa draws out the syllable, rolling the R as if to prove a point. 

“Luisa?” Petra pushes away from JR, much to her displeasure. “You knew?”

“Of course I knew, am I not supposed to know what the person who destroyed you seven years ago looks like?” Luisa scoffs and Jane doesn’t take what she says to heart, not when she’s probably gonna end up facing Rafael and JV at some point.  “Just because you don’t talk about her anymore doesn’t mean we all forgot, or didn’t recognize her when she walked into the Fairwick.” 

That, however, does hurt.

“Why didn’t you tell me anything?” Petra exclaims. 

Luisa shrugs at her, “Contrary to what Rafael and Jane think--yes there’s a group chat-- it’s wasn’t our decision to make, I just meddled a bit. It looks like it worked.”

“That’s why you wanted me to come out with you tonight, and last night too!” Petra points an accusing finger at Luisa who just rolls her eyes.“You were trying to set us up!”

“You deserve a second chance.”  Luisa shrugs again unapologetic,  “I saw JR at the bar, once she was with some guy and it looked like a meeting, then the next night she was alone. I figured there was a good chance she would back today and she was.” Jane stands there embarrassed, going to a hotel because it reminded you of your ex-girlfriend is pathetic all on its own, knowing that there were witnesses is even more embarrassing. 

Still, JR can’t muster up any anger because she never had any plan to actually look Petra up, wanting and doing are two things that had yet to match up until she saw Petra sitting alone. 

“Don’t you dare hurt her, I don’t think you will again but I have to say it.” Petra groans next to her but Luisa doesn’t look away from JR until JR nods once, that head nod sealing a serious promise she refuses to break. Luisa smiles at her, face transforming so radically that JR begins to think Luisa just floats from emotion to emotion, never giving them much thought, she just lives. Luisa pushes past them, heading back to the Fairwick and JR feels compelled to call out after her.

“I’m not going to hurt her.” 

Luisa pauses, looks back at them, taking in the way JR stands in front of Petra, shielding her from any potential negative reaction Luisa might give them but Luisa just smiles at them. 

“I know,” Luisa says simply. “I hope everything works out for you and even if it doesn’t, hit me up later, us lesbians without careers need to stick together.”

“I actually--” JR starts but Petra cuts her off with a small squeeze on her arm, she approaches Luisa, concerned.

“Luisa, you have a career.” Her voice is soft like they’ve had this conversation before.

“It doesn’t count.” Luisa lifts a shoulder like she’s trying and failing to shrug off an invisible demon.

“Luisa, yes it does.” Petra is patient, and JR is entranced by this side of her, she never got to see the way her relationship with JV and Rafael worked, only the polite slightly exasperated part of it. Clearly, that had been a mistake on JR’s part. “Are you going to make me tell Krishna again?”

“No but…” Luisa ducks her head, trying and failing to come up with words. 

“Luisa,” Petra says firmly, “the hotel doesn’t run itself and Rafael doesn’t suffer incompetent fools well, we both know that. If you didn’t belong there, you wouldn’t be there.”  

“You’re right.” Luisa rubs her neck sheepishly, giving Petra a quick hug. “Thanks. Anyway, I’ll leave you to it, I have to go wait for my Uber.”

Frowning, Petra stops her. “You don’t drink and you live next door. Why do you need an Uber?”

“It’s so far and I’m tired,” Luisa whines sagging on Petra, a clear indicator that Petra’s small talking to worked. Petra’s face remains no-nonsense causing Luisa to sigh dramatically and begin her slow shuffle to the hotel. “Are you sleeping over?”

“If it’s okay with you and Krishna, I’m not up for driving back and Jane and Michael have the kids.” 

“Duh. Just don’t blame me when Nadia and Adrián decide that assaulting you is the best way to wake up their Auntie Petra for breakfast.” Luisa waves before disappearing into the shrubbery. 

“She’s so different from Rafael.” Rafael seemed a bit stuffier the couple of times JR had met him. Okay, not stuffy, protective. A trait he and Luisa shared because JR has a feeling Luisa had been lurking in the distance, just in case Jane broke Petra’s heart. 

“She is, you’ll see for yourself later,” Petra softens, “because I do want to see you again.”

“I want to see you again, too.” JR reaches for Petra’s hand, nudging her palm open, she tangles their fingers together, still in awe at how they meld together seamlessly. 

“Yeah?” Cheeks rosy, Petra beams at JR. 

“Yeah.” JR kisses her again because she can. Petra yields beneath her, sinking into Jane, body pressed against hers, Jane soaks up all the warmth Petra gives her. “Petra?”

“Yes, JR.” Petra hums distractedly, unable to fully concentrate with the kisses Jane is leaving up and down the parts of Petra’s neck that are exposed.

“You know, in those movies, the ex almost always leaves the fiancee. Or did you forget?”

“I never actually did finish any of those movies,” Petra admits between gasps. JR laughs into Petra’s neck because Petra was never one for movies.

“Yeah,” JR whispers, she can almost feel Petra’s cool sheets and warm body pressed up against her as they watched whatever flick people had been talking about at work. Petra either talked throughout the whole movie or watched disinterestedly, content to trace circles on Jane’s stomach until JR could no longer take it and they forgot the movie altogether. The memory doesn’t elicit any pain, just fondness which makes JR positive that this time, after everything, they will work out. “I remember, you’re horrible at watching movies.”

“Who’s fault was that?” Petra asks, tugging on JR’s hair playfully but the current that runs through JR is anything but playful, and JR knows it’s time to step back because JR’s body might be asking her to take Petra with her, but they aren’t ready, not yet.

“Yours.” Petra had known exactly what she was doing, resisting Petra was not and would never be JR’s strength. 

“Was not!” JR grabs Petra’s flailing hand, ignoring her false accusations, and places a kiss on it.

“C’ mon,” JR tugs her further into the garden, “I’ll walk you to Luisa’s if you tell me about this garden.”

“This...” Petra begins, without much coaxing, “is a beautiful garden.” 

“Yeah,” JR pulls her closer, thinking about how much Petra changed her life. “It is.”

The garden might be different but to JR it smells the same as it had years ago, like promise and the beautiful woman rambling next to her. 

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I started writing this fic a year ago and never got around to finishing it because my life got insane and everything just fell apart. So it feels good to post the final chapter now, an entire year later. I hope it's been a little piece of comfort in this tragic season.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who read and supported it.

**Author's Note:**

> find me here on [tumblr](http://finehs.tumblr.com) or shout at me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/solanospetra)


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